Suddenly sanctioning soccer

Well, they say there’s a first time for everything. This weekend I attended my first ever professional soccer match, and not just a professional game, but it was a double header—including a US vs. Costa Rica World Cup qualifier.

“Anakin, if one is to understand the great mystery,

one must study ALL its aspects. Not just the [awesome,

nearly perfect] view of the [football players].”

Growing up, I never had much respect for soccer players. I’ve always thought it was a great sport for girls—in fact, there were a lot of cute girls on the soccer team. But boys soccer happened during the same season as football—that all-american sport which turns boys into men and men into heroes. Maybe that seasonal conflict of schedules is what made me always dislike the sport. It seemed to stand in opposition of everything football stood for: Football is solely American, where as soccer is international (I like to think of it as the communist sport). Football players are big and tough who play through pain and injury whereas soccer players in my school were short scrappy guys who always seemed to play up an kick to the shin guards as a game-halting debilitation. Football players seemed like down to earth guys, whereas the soccer players even had a sense of off-field fashion uncommon with any other group.

“I'm not going anywhere.”

“…Look, a few minutes ago you said

you didn't want to just wait here...

Now all you want to do is stay?”

“[Attending a SOCCER match] is not what I had in mind.”

“...She's rich.”

“Rich?”

“Rich, powerful! Listen, if you were to [attend

with] her, the reward would be...”

“What?”

“Well more [fun] than you can imagine.”

“I don't know, I can imagine quite a bit!”

I went with my friend Aly, who isn’t rich, but her uncle is—he’s the owner of the team. We were there with four of her brothers (which is only about half of them) and their wives, and I have to admit… the game was a lot of fun. The tickets were free (a price which always enhances the fun) through her uncle, but they weren’t exactly a luxury suite. We were kinda high up, but right at mid-field, and we could see everything brilliantly (I figure it’s fitting to use British idioms here since that’s where the game originated).

“I'm sorry. I don't fully understand. This is a strange [sport] to me.”

I’ve always known soccer players were a rare breed, but I had no idea how insane soccer FANS could be. People had their hair dyed and their faces painted (a ritual which seems completely normal for a sport as cool as football, but for something as dull as soccer it seems a little extreme), EVERYbody brings a flag to wave, and there are these musically challenged people all around the stadium who are either blowing horns, banging drums, or singing chants the entire game through. It seemed I was in for a long afternoon.

“Now, for this cause I know that [soccer is pretty okay],
which thing I never had supposed.”

But as shocked as I was by the fans, I was that much more surprised by the game—I actually liked it. What’s cool about soccer is that any time the ball gets past two-thirds of the way down field (in either direction) everybody stands up because you know there’s going to be some intense action—either an amazing offensive play or a remarkable defensive play. And since I don’t really understand much of the strategy of the game, even the mid-field play was fun to watch because it was interesting for me to see that they don’t just try to push the ball up field with one deep kick, rather they move it up field in slow controlled passes. Plus I finally understood why they totally ham up their injuries: they don’t have time outs or huddles, so an over exaggerated injury is really the only break time they get.

“I DO like green eggs and ham. I do like them Sam I am.”

So, it turns out soccer isn’t all that bad. In fact, my bro D$ has even convinced me to play World Cup soccer games on Xbox and to enjoy kicking the soccer ball around just for fun. And I really do enjoy it. It seems kind of dumb to just kick a ball back and forth, but the truth is that I’m lousy enough at it that even doing just that is challenging enough to keep my attention. Plus there are a lot of different things you can do in just a simple pass kick. Sometimes I’ll think, “this time I want to kick it in the air,” or “this time I want to do it with my left foot,” or “this time I want to stop it with my left, flip it up with my right, and kick it with my left.”

“You know, I did feel something.

I COULD almost [accept soccer as a worthwhile sport].”

“That's good. You have taken your first step into a larger world.”

I still think football is the greatest sport this world has ever known, but I no longer believe that soccer is the dumbest. In fact, it’s pretty fun… to play AND to watch. I always worried about what I would do/think/feel if my sons decided they preferred to play soccer over football, I’ve never been totally against it—I’d love my kids even if they decided they didn’t want to carry on the Bryant name—but every American dad has a dream (even if its unvoiced) that his son will grow up to be a football star, and I think I’m learning enough about how to enjoy soccer that if I ever have a kid who chooses soccer over football, I think I’d be okay with that… just as long as he PLAYS soccer and isn’t one of those half naked annoying lunatic fans in the stands blowing the horns and banging the drums!