Institutionalizing myself

“You know, you’re off your nut about a mile and a half?!”

By saying “institutionalizing myself” I’m not admitting insanity (although by the end of this entry you might think otherwise); no, I’m talking about the LDS institute of religion. The LDS church offers a free religious class to both high-school and university aged students. In high school it was early in the morning and called “seminary”, and in college it is anytime of day (I go at night) and it’s called “institute”.

“Who goes there and whadda ya want?!”

I’ve never really been the institute type. All I’ve ever expected from an institute class, is a harmless hour per week spiritutal experience outside the formalities of wearing your Sunday best to church every Sabbath day. But in my limited experience with institute (I never attended in college because BYU offers religion classes instead of having an institute) I’ve found that institute classes are mostly just hotspots for the typical, weirdo mormons that I don’t enjoy being around.

“She was a, a medium, medium built sort of a girl with a, a medium face. She had a, a nice evening gown on with a belt in the back. She, she was build just like a girl-friend of mine who… a girl you don’t know, but uh… her name was Consuela Schlepkis. She used to play the pinball machine a lot down at the corner drug store. I remember one time she was high man three weeks in a row.”

At Institute, you’ll find all the usual characters from your average Sunday services. There’s the tall scrawny kid (none of his long sleeve shirts quite reach his wrists) and he fishes for opportunities to share his testimony of the gospel (because he’s convinced that’s what impresses the ladies); the heavyset girl who wears nothing but sweaters (even in the summertime) and demonstrates her love for the savior by singing WAY louder than anyone else during the Hymns (because SHE’S convinced that guys really go for a girl with a great singing voice); and the unattractive couple who don’t even pay attention to the lesson, they just sit and cuddle in the front row—it’s disgusts you to see them being so physical, but at the same time, it does your heart good to see that two people as awkward as them have found each other.

At any rate, I’ve been going to institute for the past month or two. I started going last semester, mostly for something to do with friends on Tuesday nights, but this semester, the teacher we had last time is still on Tuesday nights, and now no one can make it Tuesdays, so I decided tat to go alone, because the teacher is good and I don’t have anything else going on Tuesdays.

Some people go to institute to meet someone to date, some go for class credit, and some go just to hang out with friends. Last night I went by myself: I wasn’t going because of friends, I wasn’t going because of cute girls (trust me), and I wasn’t going because it was convenient (it’s like 30 minutes away). I just went because I wanted to learn and going for THAT reason made me feel quite intellectual.

“Maybe I’m off my hinges, but I believe ya.”

We’re studying the second half of the history of the church. As we were discussing the Joseph Smith story and it’s effect on the pioneers’ movement west and everything else, I was struck by how deeply I believe that Joseph Smith really did receive the visions and revelations that he said he did. I believe it so wholeheartedly that no amount of social incongruence will ever drive me away from this church, because even when I’m fed up with its members, I can’t deny that its doctrine is true.

Looking back on the thoughts and feelings I had last night, their polarity seems quite ironic. At the start of class I couldn’t help but feel that I really don’t fit in, nor want to fit in with my classmates, and by the end of the lesson, I felt such a conviction to the doctrines of the church that I knew that that’s where I belonged.

“My life is really… uh… complex.”

My devotion to this church seems almost illogical. I don’t really enjoy my interaction with the majority of it’s members, and even some of its practices tend to be an inconvenience to me (three hour Sunday services for example), but so much of my happiness to the perspective on life is provided to me through the church’s doctrines. And I owe so much of my character and integrity to lessons learned from the spiritual experiences I’ve had through studying the doctrines of the church and serving its members.

“You offend reason, sir… I should like to offend it with you!”

A logical man would conclude that if you don’t enjoy your experiences at church you have no reason to continue to attend, but my devotion has nothing to do with logic and everything to do with conviction. This church was established by a man who claims to have been visited and instructed by God the Father and Jesus Christ His son and further claims to continue to be governed, not by that same man, but by a man with that same authority, which authority has been passed down through the generations.

“Our whole strength rests on the validity of that vision. It either occurred or it did not occur. If id did not, then this work is a fraud. If it did, then it is the most important and wonderful work under the heavens.”

So why do I associate myself with a church that I don’t always enjoy and that makes such lofty claims? Because I sincerely, fully, and soberly believe that those claims are true. You might wonder, “How could it be right if you don’t enjoy it,” or, “how come you don’t enjoy it if you say you know its right?” Think of it this way, just because there are some negatives, that doesn’t mean that those negatives negate the positives—think of how much you can HATE your family (sisters especially) and still, you love them so much that you would do anything for them--its a lot like that.