Net worth

Have you ever heard the allegory of the guy who God told to push the rock? He spent all his life pushing and shoving and straining, but he never managed to move that rock. When God “called him home” the man was worried about his lack of progress and apologized to God for never having moved the rock. Then the man’s perspective was broadened when God explains, “I never asked you to ‘move the rock’, only to ‘push’ against it.”

“Dad, what do you do all day?”
“What do I do all day?

I shovel other people's crap so you kids can eat.”
“No, I mean, what do you do?”
“Wh- ? I work at NORCOM - you know that.”
“Yeah, I know, but what do you DO there?”

Well, at my job, they don’t even expect me to push. I work at Generation Marketing. I started out here as a media buyer (which meant I purchased advertising space in newspapers), but I found that assignment very unfulfilling, so now I’m responsible to lay out ads (graphic design), and traffic that artwork to the various newspapers we advertise in. I say that I’m “responsible” for that, because really, being responsible is all I do here.

“General Waverly, we want you to know

that you needn’t feel obligated. I mean, since there’s no snow…”
“Nonsense! We’ve made a contract. Your first performance is
tonight at eight o’clock. Be there, or I’ll sue!”

Truthfully, the only thing I DO here is show up. Especially in the summer months, the workload here is very minimal. Ironically, they just made it a policy that we start clocking in and clocking out. I guess to them the fact that I’m present eight hours a day is more important than the fact that the only fraction of those eight hours when I’m mentally engaged are during the 3-5 minutes per day when I’m playing Tetris on my phone in the john.

“Oh, how I envy your freedom: games all day long, no studying dreary old books, staying up late as you like, eating JUNK food…”

Maybe I’m just a guy who’s never satisfied. I mean, when I’m so busy at work that I don’t even have time to sigh, I long for days like this. But now that I have all this freedom, I long for busier days. I guess what I really long for is balance. After all, nobody likes to eat ONLY vegetables or ONLY candy all the time, but a balanced mix of the two makes for quite the satisfying omnivorous experience. I prefer a job where I have something to always keep me busy, but that isn’t so demanding that I can’t distract myself for a few minutes to check Mariners’ scores or read movie reviews.

“Isn’t this awful?”
“What?”
“It’s like taking money under false pretenses.

Emma, couldn’t you talk him into letting us work for half salary?”

Getting paid to do nothing kinda takes a toll on a guy’s well being. Getting paid to do nothing makes me feel like a complete deadbeat. And yet, I can’t afford to generously propose any kind of “half-salary” deal. After all, the only reason I’m living in Utah is because of this job, and the only reason I can AFFORD to live in Utah is because of this salary—every last cent of it. But imagine showing up for work, day after day, staying for eight hours, and then going home, having accomplished nothing, having contributed nothing—it makes me feel like I’m WORTH nothing. There comes a confidence and a sense of pride to a man when he knows he’s completed a job well done. And as true as that is, I can tell you that that same measure of confidence and pride is left unfulfilled when you finish a work day having done nothing.

“You like me because I’m a scoundrel.
There aren’t enough scoundrels in your life.”

I believe that that work-related confidence (or void thereof) can effect our countenance (or aura, or vibe, or whatever you want to call that invisible yet seen part of who we are). Luckily, its not a negative vibe—which is the sort of thing you feel coming off of someone who might be a closet bank robber or secretly run a kiddie-porn ring. My situation generates more of a neutral vibe. But for a single guy who could meet Miss Right at any second, first impressions can’t be taken too lightly, and I feel like my work situation is effecting my mojo (not that I ever encounter opportunities to exercise the mojo—but like I said, it’s the sort of thing one mustn’t neglect).

“Stop the press! Who is that?”

Haven’t you ever met someone and at that first meeting you are simply impressed by the kind of person he/she is. Not in a physical-attraction sort of way, but it just hits you that this is a good person, one who’s got his head on straight, who’s honest and educated, who’s sincere but not gullible, who “stands for truth, justice, and the American way.” That’s the kind of impact that meeting ME ought to have on a person, but this darn job is weakening my potency.

“Ask not what your [company] can do for you.

Ask what you can do for your [company].”

Even though my work-load isn’t keeping me busy, I have found some satisfaction in spending my “office-arrest” time learning new work-related programs. I’m very interested in the production side of advertising, so I’ve weaseled my way away from the media buying department and into the creative department. In the process, I’ve convinced my manager that if I were to be cross-trained in all the graphic design and video editing programs on the computer, I could cover for certain people if we ever had a production emergency when someone was out. So I’ve been teaching myself the ins and outs of the adobe creative suite and the final cut pro video editing software, hoping that doing so will make me more marketable for future job opportunities. Meanwhile, one co-worker busies HIMself by either pacing six steps in each direction, or bouncing a super-bouncy ball against the conference room door (what an idiot).

“Work for an education. Get all the training that you can.

The world will largely pay you what it thinks you are worth.”

The most frustrating part about not being busy is the bottom line. At this point in my relatively-experience-free career, experience is more valuable than salary. But then I think, if they’re paying me this much (not that it’s a lot), just to sit around and do nothing, then I’d probably be worth six figures at a job where I actually apply myself. I long for a challenge, for a job that will put ALL my talents and resources to use and pay me accordingly. But until then, I just keep reminding myself that this job is a means to an end and that the reason I'm still here is more for the "years of experience" reflected on a résumé than for the actual experience of working here.