Nothing to write about

I’m not sure what it is that inspires me to write—is it a life altering experience or maybe just an idea that I can milk for a lot of good movie quotes. But whatever it is, I haven’t been feeling it. So now, as I look at a screen without words, an empty document for me to fill with experience, wisdom, and humor—I’ve got nothing, so that’s what I’m going to tell you about.

“When you look too long into the abyss, the abyss looks back through you.”

An awkwardness arises in a situation where words are expected yet there are none to share. I think you can learn a lot about a person by what they say/don’t say in these types of moments: moments when they have nothing to say. There are those who don’t speak and those who do.

Among those who don’t speak there are those who choose not to say anything and those who are so oblivious to the awkwardness that they couldn’t find anything to say even if they tried to.

Those who choose not to think of something to say anything do so either out of pride or out of fear. The proud silent type enjoy watching people suffer. Often it is this person who initiated the silence, inflicting the awkwardness on the group. A bank robber or a bully might enjoy not saying anything when he’s got his gun or his knuckles pointed at his victim.

On the flip side of such an assault is someone who is too frightened to try to come up with anything to say. These shy types may have been conditioned to be so by constantly getting shot down when they have tried to speak up.

“Sir, if I may venture an opinion…”
“I’m not interested in your opinion, 3PO.”

Some people just don’t think. I can’t really relate to these people because my thoughts go a million miles a minute and bounce from topic to topic like a deck of trivial pursuit cards. But these people have nothing going on in their heads and therefore have no well of ideas from which to draw.

“All right, Homer, now your name is Mr. Thompson, so when I say hello Mr. Thompson, you say hi.”
“Check!”
“Hello, Mr. Thompson.”

“…”

“Now, remember, your name is Mr. Thompson.”
“Gotcha!”

“Hello, Mr. Thompson.”
“… … …”

“ARGH... Now when I step on your foot and say your name, you smile and nod.”

“I got it.”

[stepping on Homer's foot] “Hello, Mr. Thompson.”

“… [whispering to the Witness Protection Agency man next to him] I think he talking to you.”

My late grandfather could possibly fit into this category, only he wasn’t so much mentally numb as he was socially. He was content with simply enjoying the moment and the rest, that he never paid attention to the social circumstances. If he had nothing to say, he never realized it. I think he did have ideas going on in his head—he was a very intelligent, well educated man—only, his thoughts were so entertaining to him that unless you called his attention to something else, he could sit in silence content for hours.

And now for the category of those people who speak when they have nothing to say. There are two sub-categories in this group as well—those with interesting things to say, and those without. Let’s begin with the latter.

“Thumper!”

“Yes, Mama?”

“What did your father tell you?”

“If you can’t say somethun’ nice… don’t say nothun’ at all.”

I find that these people seem to be most plentiful in Sunday school, but they can be found anywhere you have awkward silence and people polite enough to try to break it.

Whenever someone has nothing to say and then attempts to conjure up a bit of conversation, they draw from things stored in their memory banks. Those with nothing interesting to say suffer from either a small reserve from which to draw ideas, or the inability to group their thoughts into any useful bit of information.

“Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”

What bothers me most about these comments, is that they’re seldom the speakers original ideas. They are usually an unreferenced quote (plagiarism) or a regurgitated idea, the kind you’ve heard them say a hundred times before, as if they had a default phrase they defer to in times of need, but that really has no authenticity or personality to them.

Then there are the few, the blessed, the inspiring: those who have nothing to say, but can improvisationally weave a tapestry of ideas that touch the rest of us or revive intrigue into a once dying conversation. This is the type people who everyone loves, everyone wants to hang out with, and everyone wishes that everyone else saw them as.

Most people wander in and out of each of the afore mentioned groups, some never leave their own category, and others aspire to groups they are incapable of joining. I don’t claim to be a permanent member of this group, but there are moments when my membership card in this elite club is still valid.

In my last ward my calling was Home Teaching supervisor. Pretty much what that means is that its my job to get the men in the ward to go out and visit the members of the church on a monthly bases. I started making weekly announcements as an entertaining reminder to get that month’s visits taken care of, and eventually it got to the point where it became a class tradition that the lesson didn’t start until Heath gave his words of encouragement.

Most Sundays I’d have thought beforehand about what I could say that would be goofy enough to draw and keep people’s attention, yet related enough to the assignments that I could somehow draw it back to the responsibilities the message was meant to remind us of. But there were some Sundays when it didn’t occur to me to think of something until the moment the class president gave me the floor.

Now I had some successful impromptu announcements and some not so successful. The only formula that I found consistent in the good ones was authenticity. When I used my own ideas, and said them in my own way the thoughts got the attention, and I like to assume, rang true to those listening.

I guess if there’s any point to this entry which started out without any direction, it’s a challenge for everyone to be themselves. If you just do things you like to do and say jokes you think are funny, and share ideas you come up with yourself, while having a bit of hope for the well being of others, then you’ll live feeling good about the example and the advice you give to others. You’ll feel confident in your ideas because they are your own and others will perceive that and it will cause them to listen and to admire you.

If what I said doesn’t cause you to admire me, please, keep it to yourself because I’m enjoy thinking highly of myself :) .