Pastries and Mormon Bachelorhood

I belong to a religious culture in which a 25-year-old bachelor is a man beyond his prime. It is expected of any good Mormon boy during his teen-age years to officiate in select weekly worship activities, at the age of 19 he is to leave home for two years to promote the church (this time is more-or-less considered a boy’s coming of age into manhood), and upon returning from his mission, he is to marry a good Mormon girl and complete his education.

There is an urban legend that early Mormon leader Brigham Young once said that any unmarried man over the age of 25 is a menace to society. I haven’t found anything to lead me to believe that he ever really said that but he did say once that he wanted “every man in the land older than 18 to take a wife” (deseretnews.com). And respected early church leader George Q. Cannon once said, "I am firmly of the opinion that a large number of unmarried men, over the age of 24 years, is a dangerous element in any community" (deseretnews.com).

Neither of these quotes represents a doctrinal position of the church stating that a young man of my age should already be married, nevertheless there is a cultural expectation for returned missionaries to marry while they’re young, and there is a common assumption that those of us not married by this age must have “issues.”

“Have you ever tried... not being a mutant?”

I guess I do have issues—well just one: I’d like to marry a girl that I feel like marrying.

For me, marriage isn’t something that you do just because you should (thankfully, I don’t get any pressure on this matter from my family), its something you do when you find a girl that you a.) like to hang out with, and b.) like to look at.

Ever since I’ve returned from my church mission I’ve been on the look out for such a girl, but I haven’t found too many that even come close. Some are fun to look at, others are fun to hang out with, but they never seem to be both in one convenient marry-able package.

A lot of the people around here treat my marital status as a medical condition, and they are constantly looking for remedies. “Maybe your standards are just too high.” “You know, there’s no such thing as the perfect girl.”

I don’t think people understand how silly that all sounds. There are too perfect girls, I’ve met them and I’ve dated some of them and I didn’t like them. I feel like part of what makes me who I am are my quirks and flaws, and I’ve dated girls that didn’t have either—they seemed to lack personality.

I’ve dated girls that I’ve thought were fun and girls that I’ve thought were pretty. I’ve met girls that I couldn’t keep my eyes off of, and I’ve had friends that I connect with on so many levels that I sometimes wonder how it is possible for an idea or a feeling that starts in my brain, to end up coming out of his/her mouth.

There’s an old saying that “you can’t have your cake and eat it too,” which people use when they’re trying to say “you can’t have both, so choose one or the other.” But look at that adage again—you can too have your cake and eat it—maybe you can’t eat your cake and save it for later too, but as long as you have that cake—as long as its still in front of you—you can just go right on eating it.

All I want in a girl is one that I find both cute and fun. I’ll keep waiting to get married until I find a girl that can kill both those birds with one stone.