"Clear and copious"

“I can’t stop once I start—it stings.”

Today’s blog is mostly about bathroom-type situations. If that offends you, I suggest you stop reading now, because the ideas are coming and I know there’s no way of stopping them. So, Pops, I guess I’ll catch you next time.

I’ve heard tons of different statistics about how much of the human body is made up of water but I’ve never heard the same one twice, so I wont attempt to quote an exact number here—but it’s well understood that it’s a surprisingly high percentage—more than 50% I’d guess.

Ironically, the body seems to have the ability to run short on what it’s made up of. This is called dehydration. I’ve heard that dehydration causes headaches and that often times when we take aspirin to alleviate the headache, it may not be the pill that provides the relief, but the glass of water that you drink while downing the pill.

I had a high school football coach who used to demand we drink a lot of water (contradictorily, he hardly ever gave us water breaks). His famous quote that anyone who’s been through his two-a-day practices could recite is that you know you’re well hydrated when your pee should be “clear and copious.”

I attempted to follow this advice by drinking two liters of water between two-a-day practices and the night before each game. It’s not easy to drink that much water at once. I can remember going to bed the night before a game feeling like I was so full that I could throw up. You’d also be surprised at how disgusted you can get of the flavor of such a tasteless beverage.

I don’t think I ever realized that pee had characteristics, let alone that those characteristics could change, but when I entered the MTC, I realized the meaning of “clear and copious.” All the guys in my district and I seemed to get head colds all at the same time (this was probably due to the 12 of us spending 10 hours a day in a 30 feet by 20 feet classroom with a window that couldn’t open). We were given the advice to drink a lot of fluids, which was to “flush the cold out of your system.” I don’t remember getting better any quicker, but I do remember the 10-12 glasses I’d collect on my tray (after all, who wants to make another trip through the line just for refills?), and I remember the countless trips to the bathroom. I must have had to excuse myself once every 15 minutes—which I didn’t mind because it was at least something to break up the monotony of class.

Now that I’m in the same type of situation—where I just sit at a desk for 8 hours a day—I again enjoy my bathroom breaks. Don’t misunderstand me—I can’t stand being in the bathroom. Some people like to read and relax in there, but I am strictly business: I don’t go in until its beyond absolutely necessary, and I come out as soon as I possibly can. Maybe it’s the walk to and from the can that I enjoy.

Well, the company I work for keeps a refrigerator full of juice, pop, and sports drinks, there is also an unlimited supply of coffee beans and cocoa mix. I’m not a big soda drinker, so that really isn’t much of an issue for me—but I do love juice and I’ll drink an occasional sports drink—but even those are loaded with sugars and sodium (I talk like I know whether and why those are bad for you, but I really have no clue about nutrition and dieting).

Drinking something all day long is a must—even if you’re not thirsty, you still need a good excuse to not be on the phone for a few seconds, or to not be typing a report. I try not to make too much of a habit of drinking all those product beverages—I think my motivation is the gut on my manager: he’s been working here for three years and he doesn’t seem to do much more than just sip a can of pop or two each day. So I drink from the water cooler.

I have a 20 ounce bottle that I refill and I must empty it three or four times per day. 60-80 ouces is a good number of ounces, and it ads up to just about the equivalent of a 2 liter bottle, so you can imagine how often I head to the bathroom.

As I said, I love the break. I like leaving my desk and getting a chance to get out of my chair. And for the first 7 months or so of working here those little 2-3 minute reststops were as ideal as anyone could have planned.

But about a month or two ago, we hired a receptionist. Previously, the front desk was unoccupied, so I could come and go unnoticed, but now there’s a girl up front who can notice every time I leave. She can also meter just how long I take. 2 minutes means one thing, 5 minutes: something else. I doubt that she really does this, but it’s the possibility that disturbs me.

I ran this dilemma past my good buddy D$ and his advice was genious. He said, walk out and head down the hall leading away from the bathroom, take the scenic route to the john, then on your way back, before you get back in sight. Take out your cell phone and act like you’re just finishing a call. His rationale was that people step out of offices all the time to take a noisy or a personal call—do that and she’ll be none the wiser.

“Help control the pet population: have your pet spayed or neutered.”

I’m not really sure what the point of sharing all this was, but hopefully it will awaken an awareness in you to the importance of keeping well hydrated.